Quadragesimæ 1 anno

So, we begin, again, our 40 days. It’s a time to prepare, for ‘the kingdom comes.’ As for my last week, I was in a funk. It was a week where nothing seemed ‘right.’ Classical philosophy calls it part of our “inexhaustible reservoir of… affections” (CCC 1768). When I get like this, there’s usually a reason: lack of humility. It’s like spiritual constipation. Such passions are vivid. But it’s nothing a life in Christ can’t handle. So, I carried my cross.

Morning Routine

• Pray the mass

• Turkish coffee break

• Practice music for Sunday’s liturgy

• Cardio/ resistance workout (optional)

• Pick up mom from work

Afternoon Routine

• Lunch with parents

• Pray at the perpetual adoration chapel

• Turkish coffee break

• Work on pet project of the week (still no movement towards the monastery)

In the chapel, this spiritual fever ‘broke.’ Last week, we celebrated a feast of St. Peter’s. It’s where we remember Peter’s great confession. Our Lord asks

But who do you say that I am?

Peter responds “You are the Christ.” To which Jesus makes Peter the head of Apostles (Mt. 16:18). It’s the scene that follows that give me not a little schadenfreud. Moments later, after He elevates Peter, Jesus calls Peter Satan.

Now, I pray with this scripture often. When I do, I usually empathize with Peter. He’s a guy who always goofs up. It’s what gives me hope. If God can sanctify even Peter, then He can do it with me. Yet, last week, I shifted focus to the other apostles. What did they make of all this? These are the guys who argued "greatness" to the end (Lk 22:24). It’s reasonable that not a few of them were jealous. Maybe they were even envious of Peter’s relationship with Jesus. They wanted ‘the keys of the kingdom’ for themselves. Then Jesus calls Peter Satan? In prayer, this is how I imagine the apostle’s thoughts:

Um… So, Jesus… Hey. Yeah, if Peter is Satan... What about that whole rock thing? How about one of us, instead? You know, someone who’s NOT Satan?

I had to laugh at such an idea. Could you imagine? The apostles that self-centered? And yet, was it so far-fetched? How different is that envy than what we know today? How often do I think like that? ‘Oh, I hate that [insert-authority-figure-of-your-choice]. I just wish he was gone.’ This is what we do know for certain: the apostle’s followed Peter. They followed his leadership to the end of the world (Mt. 28:16-20). And they followed him in their own death for the faith. What that must have been like. Only God could be that obedient to a simple fisherman. And it was God in them that made this possible. To do that, they had to pray. And this was what convicted me. The apostle’s prayed for their leader. This was a leader wholly unqualified. Anybody who hung around Peter knew; it didn’t take long to realize his rashness and impatience. And still the apostles supported him. How often I forget to pray for leaders; to want even their good. Too easily do I foster a righteous indignation. Thus, God spoke to me: Pray for your enemies. Pray for leaders with whom you disagree.

So, with the fruits of the Spirit in bloom, I went. As I left the chapel, someone stopped me. This woman explained her relief to me. She saw me at daily mass earlier. “The Holy Spirit told me to ask you to compromise (sic). Spend an hour with the Lord once a week.” She wanted to ask this at mass. But wasn't able. Afterwards, she regretted this oversight. "Then I saw you walk into the chapel and I cried." I didn’t know which surprised me more: Her boldness or that I ever forgot how bold was the Spirit. My answer? In the middle of every Wednesday night is my time with the Lord.

This strikes me as especially providential for Lent. There’s this phrase I often hear. ‘God doesn’t call the equipped. He equips the called.’ It’s snappy and it’s true. Then, I learn the old saints knew this as well. Their phrase was even snappier. We read in the catechism

Sancta Sanctis. God’s holy gifts for God’s holy people

CCC 948

These gifts refer to the sacraments and ultimately the Holy Spirit. He is God’s gift of himself to us (CCC 2559-61, 2735-37). The saints remind us that the Church is holy. This isn’t because its members aren’t sinners. They are. The point is that God makes us, the Church, holy. He does this through the functions of the Church. God takes the initiative (CCC 2022). We often forget this. The Spirit of Truth teaches that original sin was this: ‘That primeval event where man chose to be God without God' (CCC 398). Who most wants man to be like God? It wasn’t Adam or Eve. It wasn’t even the rebellious serpent. God wants most of all that man be like God.

For the Son of God became man so that we might become God.

Athanasius reminds us (CCC 460).

And again in the first answer of the Compendium

God infinitely perfect and blessed in Himself, in a plan of sheer goodness, freely created man to make him share in His own blessed life.

What does this have to do with Lent? I would submit to you this: Everything. In this season, we do many things to prepare for Easter: the sacrament of reconciliation, various penances, stations of the cross, rosaries. The list goes on. In Lent, it’s too easy to forget:

In this is love, not that we loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the expiation for our sins.

1 John 4:10

God is that divine fisherman who can say

I caught him with an unseen hook and an invisible line, which was long enough to let him wander to the ends of the world, and still to bring him back with a twitch upon the thread

Chesterton

God pulls on our heart strings, as it were. He does this precisely at the crucifixion.

I, when I am lifted up, will draw all men to myself.

John 12:32

This is what we remember in the mass. It’s the story of what God wanted all along; to share His life with us. Lent is my time to sit with that reality. And that is my reason to hope.

jp